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To create a website via 50 Megs click here: To get a Domain Name for free click here: For more Domain Names click here: Knock knock jokes: Knock, knock Who's there? "Dishes" Dishes who? Dishes the F.B.I. Knock, knock Who's there? "Ivonna" Ivonna what? Ivonna Peawee. Knock, knock Who's there? "Ben, second name Dover" Ben Dover who? Bendover your momma. Knock, knock Who's there? "Lettuce" Lettuce what? Lettuce in now. Knock, knock Who's there? "Eva" Eva who? Eva you're deaf or your doorbell isn't working. Doctor, doctor jokes: Doctor, doctor, I swallowed a camera!! -Well, let's hope nothing develops!! Doctor, doctor, I've been feeling really hot lately!! -Simmer down!! Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge!! -What's been over you lately?!! Old but funny jokes: Q. Why did the Squirrel swim on its back? A. Because it didn't want to get its nuts wet!! Q. Why didn't the skeleton jump off a cliff? A. Because he didn't have any guts!! Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? A. Because he had no-body to go with!! Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road? A. To get to the second hand shop!! Q. Which snakes are really good at adding? A. Adders!! Q. Why was the washing machine laughing? A. Because it was taking the piss out of the pants!! Q. Why did the tramp sleep under a car? A. To get up oily in the morning!! Q. How do you take away VARNISH? A. Take away the "R"!! Q. What is the longest word in the english language? A. Smiles- An "S" at the beginning and another "S" at the end with a Mile in between!! Q. What did the policeman say to his chest? A. You're under a vest!! Q. Why could'nt the bicycle stand up? A. Because it was to tyred!! There was an army and the general said " Fire at will !! ", and one man replied, " Where's Will? " There was a monster and and he liked to eat snooker balls. He went to the doctor because he felt ill. He said to the doctor, " I eat Blue, Red, Yellow, Brown, Black and pink snooker balls but I always get a stomach ache. What should I do doctor? " The doctor said " My best suggestion is to start eating some Greens " There were three football supporters and a pilot in a plane. The aeroplane crashed but the pilot died. The three supporters survived and they had nothing else to eat so they decided to eat the dead pilot. One supporter said ," I support Liverpool so I willl eat the Liver" The second one said ," I support Hartford so I will eat the heart", And the other said ," I'm not hungry" " Why? " said the others " Because I support Arsenal!! " Funny facts: Funny fact No.1: Now word in the English language rhymes with: Month, Silver, Purple or Orange. Funny fact No.2: Dreamt is the only word in the English language that ends with "MT". Funny fact No.3: If you pour Alchohol over a Scorpion, it will go mad and sting itself to death. Funny fact No.4: The largest Snake ever recorded was over 10 Metres long.
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Knock knock jokes:
Knock, knock Who's there? "Dishes" Dishes who? Dishes the F.B.I. Knock, knock Who's there? "Ivonna" Ivonna what? Ivonna Peawee. Knock, knock Who's there? "Ben, second name Dover" Ben Dover who? Bendover your momma. Knock, knock Who's there? "Lettuce" Lettuce what? Lettuce in now. Knock, knock Who's there? "Eva" Eva who? Eva you're deaf or your doorbell isn't working.
Doctor, doctor jokes:
Doctor, doctor, I swallowed a camera!! -Well, let's hope nothing develops!! Doctor, doctor, I've been feeling really hot lately!! -Simmer down!! Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge!! -What's been over you lately?!!
Old but funny jokes:
Q. Why did the Squirrel swim on its back? A. Because it didn't want to get its nuts wet!! Q. Why didn't the skeleton jump off a cliff? A. Because he didn't have any guts!! Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? A. Because he had no-body to go with!! Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road? A. To get to the second hand shop!! Q. Which snakes are really good at adding? A. Adders!! Q. Why was the washing machine laughing? A. Because it was taking the piss out of the pants!! Q. Why did the tramp sleep under a car? A. To get up oily in the morning!! Q. How do you take away VARNISH? A. Take away the "R"!! Q. What is the longest word in the english language? A. Smiles- An "S" at the beginning and another "S" at the end with a Mile in between!! Q. What did the policeman say to his chest? A. You're under a vest!! Q. Why could'nt the bicycle stand up? A. Because it was to tyred!! There was an army and the general said " Fire at will !! ", and one man replied, " Where's Will? " There was a monster and and he liked to eat snooker balls. He went to the doctor because he felt ill. He said to the doctor, " I eat Blue, Red, Yellow, Brown, Black and pink snooker balls but I always get a stomach ache. What should I do doctor? " The doctor said " My best suggestion is to start eating some Greens "
There were three football supporters and a pilot in a plane. The aeroplane crashed but the pilot died. The three supporters survived and they had nothing else to eat so they decided to eat the dead pilot. One supporter said ," I support Liverpool so I willl eat the Liver" The second one said ," I support Hartford so I will eat the heart", And the other said ," I'm not hungry" " Why? " said the others " Because I support Arsenal!! "
Funny facts:
Funny fact No.1: Now word in the English language rhymes with: Month, Silver, Purple or Orange. Funny fact No.2: Dreamt is the only word in the English language that ends with "MT". Funny fact No.3: If you pour Alchohol over a Scorpion, it will go mad and sting itself to death.
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Reviews:
The Sony PSP:
The Sony PSP is scheduled to go on sale late this year in Japan and during the first calendar quarter of 2005 in North America. Sony revealed in recent financial documents that it plans to ship 3 million units of the PSP by March 31, the end of its fiscal year--meaning that U.S. and European buyers may have to contend with shortages. "The Sony PSP has two MIPS cores (64 bit RISC) which run at 333MHz each; one is used for a CPU and the other for a vector unit. Seems to me like it's about half as powerful as a PS2, maybe a little better than that. This puts it at 10-15 times the power of a PSOne :P Actually the PS2 has an R3000 in it too, which while not in use by a PS2 game (I forget what purpose it fulfills in the PS2 besides backwards compatibility) is used to run PSOne software, to eliminate the need for dynamic recompilation (which is sure not to work right) or emulation of the CPU." Takeno-san confirmed that the company is placing a heavy emphasis on the development of new titles for the PSP, rather than the porting of existing PS2 software. It's previously been rumoured that Sony will be strictly vetting all PS2 ports on the system in the first six months to a year of its launch, in an attempt to avoid it being labelled as a shovelware PS2 port system by consumers and the media. Sony's PSP, reported to be only slightly less powerful than the PlayStation 2, will have a higher-resolution screen and more graphics power. The price has not yet been announced, though estimates have ranged to $250 and up. Remember the Dreamcast? The PSP will have much better graphics and sound! "it will come in several guises at least one of which is likely to incorporate a mobile phone." The player will use a Universal Media Disc (UMD), which offers 1.8GB of storage. In addition to the games the discs can archive two hours of DVD quality/ four hours of VHS quality video footage.The CPU core of the game system is a MIPS R4000, clocked at 333 MHz. The device carries a main memory of 32 MByte as well as 4 MByte embedded DRAM. The graphics core comes with 2 MByte memory and delivers a fill rate of 664 million pixel per second as well as rendering performance of 33 million polygons per second. Compare this to the Dreamcast and the PS2 Specs: Sony PSPGameboy 2Sony PS1 Sony PS2Cpu speed90nm processor built from a MIPS 32-bit R4000 core. A second MIPS R4000 core will act as the PSP's media engineRamMain Memory: 32MB Embedded DRAM: 4MBPolygons/s64 million pixel per second as well as rendering performance of 33 million polygons per second.4.5in 16:9 widescreen ratio 480 x 272-pixel LCD, 16.77 million colorsWeight260 g (including battery) The PSP include stereo speakers, IEEE 802.11b connectivity, one USB 2.0 port, a headphone jack, IrDA as well as IR Remote and a Memory Stick slot. According to Sony, the PSP offers "basic functions" of a portable audio and video player. Other features include 4.5in 16:9 widescreen ratio 480 x 272-pixel LCD, 90nm processor built from a MIPS 32-bit R4000 core. 8MB of embedded memory clocked to 333MHz
8MB of embedded memory clocked to 333MHz Bandwidth of 2.6GBps. A second MIPS R4000 core will act as the PSP's media engine Two dedicated graphics processors Dolby 7.1 multi-channel audio, with 3D sound. MP3, AAC and ATRAC3 AVC (H.264) and MPEG4 for video. Wi-Fi for wireless gaming with other PSP owners The Sony PSP will initially be available in black, and will include a 16:9 ratio TFT LCD wide screen, centred on a sleek, ergonomically designed controller that Sony hope will fit snugly in the hand. The dimensions are 170mm x 74mm x 23mm and it will reportedly weigh 260g. The screen will support the full sixteen-million or so colours of the spectrum, in a resolution of 480 x 272. The positioning of the PSP's D-Pad and buttons are apparently based on the Playstation's - for convenience - and the device will incorporate stereo speakers, a headphone jack and volume/brightness controls.Connectors offered include a full 802.11b wireless LAN option (for connection in the home and to the wider network), as well as USB 2.0. The wireless functionality will allow several PSPs to connect and enjoy multiplayer gaming or take the player online. Data will be downloadable wirelessly, via USB, or using the Sony Memory Stick compatibility offered.Sony PSP software will come in Universal Media Disc format, which supports 1.8gb of data, despite being only 60mm in diameter. This format will offer support for movie and music files as well as games and other software, and a robust anti-piracy encryption system is touted. By going to a disc-based medium for their handheld, Sony’s upped the ante for Nintendo. A disc-based medium allows for higher storage capacity per dollar than a cartridge-based medium. If Nintendo sticks with a cartridge-based medium for their as yet unannounced next-generation handheld (though you have to believe one is in the works), they’ll be able to carry-over their backwards compatibility to their new system. The problem is that they may end up with the same problem that faced the Nintendo 64 when it was up against the PlayStation; cartridge-based mediums cost more to increase storage capacity, which means their games will be smaller in size than a disc-based medium for the same price. Sony used this to their advantage in the PlayStation era by utilizing full motion videos in their fully rendered glory while Nintendo had to use cut-scenes using the in-game engine. If Nintendo moves to a disc-based medium, they will be able to create games with a lot more storage capacity to play with. Unfortunately, they would be sacrificing backwards-compatibility with their pre-existing library of Game Boy, Game Boy Color, and Game Boy Advance games. This would level the playing field for Sony as both sides would start from nil. Sony has the image of being a more adult, hipper player in the videogame arena while Nintendo has been saddled (unfairly) with the image of a kids-first company. This perception has allowed Sony to run away with the home console market but does this axiom extend to the handheld market? Historically, it has been shown that the handheld market has always skewed younger than the home console market. The image of a child playing a Game Boy is normal while an adult playing a Game Boy looks childish. It may be an unfair and inaccurate perception, but it exists nonetheless. With the release of the Game Boy Advance SP, that perception has started to fade as the flip-top nature has made it more culturally acceptable for an adult to play with. Despite the growing number of adult owners, children continue to make up the majority of handheld owners. Sony hopes that a good number of their PS2 owners will take to the PSP, thus creating an instant installed owner base.Worldwide Launch: Q4 2004LOS ANGELES, May 13, 2003 – Enhancing its strong platform strategies, Sony Computer Entertainment Inc. (SCEI) announced today plans to expand its in-home entertainment to outside the home with a new, all-in-one portable entertainment platform, “PSP™” The introduction of “PSP” highlights the company’s long-awaited foray into the portable entertainment market. With unmatched advantages of the Sony Group, such as global brand awareness, superior technologies in the most advanced semiconductor processes, “PSP” further broadens entertainment experiences into the portable arena. The foundation of this new platform is Universal Media Disc (UMD), which comprises of a 60mm optical disc (1.8 GB) in a cartridge, developed by the Sony Group, utilizing its latest disc technologies. Compared to the out-dated mask ROM cartridge, optical disc has huge advantages such as shorter turn around time for manufacturing, larger data capacity and lower media costs. The latest copy-protection technology will be applied to offer content developers and publishers a safe and copy-protected environment. “PSP” will be equipped with a wide screen 480 x 272 pixel (16 by 9) TFT LCD monitor with a backlight, and powered by super chipsets utilizing the latest 90 nm semiconductor technology. For graphics, 3D rendering will be enhanced by the employment of curved surfaces (NURBS) along with conventional polygons. Video quality will also be enhanced with MPEG4, which delivers quality equivalent to DVD video at a low data rate. “PSP” will have an USB 2.0 port for further expandability and connectivity to other devices, such as “PSP,” PlayStation 2 and many other systems, along with a Memory StickTM slot for network applications and data transportability in a wireless environment. SCEI will offer PC-based development tools starting from fall 2003 for the preparation of a new range of computer entertainment content. A new license scheme for “PSP” software development will be announced in summer
2003. Pursuing the founding principles of the PlayStation business, Sony Computer Entertainment will expand its efforts to support content developers to create new forms of computer entertainment. Together with its business partners, SCEI aims to aggressively promote this new platform to further broaden the arena of entertainment. “Just as PlayStation and PlayStation 2 revolutionized in-home computer entertainment, we aim to become a new driving force in the portable entertainment platform arena,” said Ken Kutaragi, president and CEO, Sony Computer Entertainment Inc. “The world of PlayStation encompasses hundreds of millions of users worldwide, most of whom view computer entertainment as part of their everyday lives. We look forward to extending the experience through a portable entertainment platform, and are excited about the possibilities and impact ‘PSP’ will have on the market. Along with game applications, ‘PSP’ will have a huge potential for delivering other forms of entertainment as well as live entertainment through the network, anywhere, anytime. This is the ‘Walkman’ of the 21st century.” The released details as taken from gamesradar.com: CPU Core: MIPS R4000 32-bit core 128-bit bus 333MHz, 1.2V 8 MB eDRAM main memory 2.6GB/sec bus bandwidth I-Cache, D-Cache 2.6GFlops, FPU, VFPU (Vector Unit) 3D-CG extended instructions Media Engine: MIPS R4000 32-bit core 333MHz, 1.2V 128-bit bus 2 MB eDRAM sub memory 90 nm CMOS manufacturing process Graphics Core 1: 2 MB VRAM 5.3Gbps bus bandwidth 3D Curved Surface + 3D Polygon Compressed Texture Hardware Clipping, Morphing, Bone Hardware Tessellator Bezier, B-Spline (NURBS) Graphics Core 2: Rendering Engine + Surface Engine 166MHz, 1.2V 256-bit bus 2 MB VRAM 5.3Gbps bus bandwidth 664M pixels/sec fill rate Max. 33M polygons/sec 24-bit full color Sound Core: VME (Virtual Mobile Engine) 166MHz, 1.2V 128-bit bus 5 billion operations/second 3D sound, 7.1 channel Support for ATRAC3 Plus, AAC, MP3 Reconfigurable DSP engine Media: UMD--Universal Media Disc, 60 mm diameter 660 nm laser diode 1.8 GB dual layer 11Mbps transfer rate Shock-proof Secure ROM by AES Unique disc ID Display: 4.5" TFT LCD with 16:9 widescreen display 480x272 pixels, 24-bit full color Communication: Wireless LAN (802.11) [Hotspots, Home Server] IrDA infrared wireless communication [PSP, Mobile Phone] USB 2.0 [PSP, PS2, PC] Memory Stick Controller: Directional pad, analogue stick Circle, Cross, Triangle, Square, L1, R1, Start, Select buttons Misc: MPEG4 AVC Decoder Rechargeable lithium-ion battery AV input/output Headphone output Here's the cold hard technical truths of this prodigious new handheld: • Product Name: PlayStationPortable (PSP) • Color: Black • Dimensions: Approx. 170 mm (L) x 74 mm (W) x 23 mm (D) • Weight: Approx. 260 g (including battery) • CPU: PSP CPU (System clock frequency 1~333MHz) • Main Memory: 32MB • Embedded DRAM: 4MB • Display: 4.3 inch, 16:9 widescreen TFT LCD • 480 x 272 pixel (16.77 million colors) • Max. 200 cd/m2 (with brightness control) • Speakers: Built-in stereo speakers • Main Input/Output: IEEE 802.11b (Wi-Fi) • USB 2.0 (Target) • Memory StickTM PRO Duo • IrDA • IR Remote (SIRCS) • Disc Drive: UMD Drive (Playback only) • Profile: PSP Game • UMD Audio • UMD Video • Main Connectors: DC IN 5V • Terminals for charging built-in battery • Headphone/Microphone/Control connector • Keys/Switches: Directional buttons (Up/Down/Right/Left) • Analog pad • Enter keys (Triangle, Circle, Cross, Square) • Left, Right keys • START, SELECT, HOME • POWER On/Hold/Off switch • Brightness control, Sound Mode, Volume +/- • Wireless LAN On/Off switch
• UMD Eject • Power: Built-in lithium-ion battery, AC adaptor • Access Control: Region Code, Parental Control Accessories: • Stand • Headphone with remote commander • Headphone with remote commander and microphone • External battery pack • Case • Strap • E3 Prototype Exhibition: USB Camera for PSP • USB GPS for PSP • USB Keyboard for PSP UMD Specifications • Dimensions: Approx. 65 mm (W) x 64 mm (D) x 4.2 mm (H) • Weight: Approx. 10g • Disc Diameter: 60 mm • Maximum Capacity: 1.8GB (Single-sided, dual layer) • Laser wavelength: 660nm (Red laser) • Encryption: AES 128bit • Profile: PSP Game (full function) • UMD Audio (codec ATRAC3plus, PCM, (MPEG4 AVC)) • UMD Video (codec MPEG4 AVC, ATRAC3plus, Caption PN
The Bugatti Veyron:
The Bugatti Veyron is also due on sale soon and its top speed will be a staggering 258 MPH and can also reach 0-60 MPH in 2.3 seconds!! Now that will put hairs on your chest!! You're gonna have to save up a lot of money to get this beauty though!! (My suggestion is: if you're not rich then don't even bother trying to get it, so unless you're rich, you might aswell not bother, or even better: you could start dreaming. Mind you, as they say, dreams sometimes come true, well, not this one!!)
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Here are some Supercars:
McLaren F1
Pagani Zonda
Enzo Ferrari
Ferrari F50
Mercedes CLK-GTR
Dodge Viper GTS
Dodge Viper RT 10
TVR Cerbera Speed Twelve
Noble M12 GTO 3
Aston Martin DB9
Acura NSX
Lamborghini Murcielago
Lamorghini Diablo
Nissan Skyline R35 GTR
Porsche 911 GT1
Koenigsegg CC
Ford GT
Chevrolet Corvette
Dodge Viper GTS-R
Saleen S7
Ascari KZ1
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Play BLOX Forever Play BLOX Play World Domination Play Majinwar Play TSK2 - Trapped in Time Play Roll On Play Pipedown Play Snowboarder XS Play Lander X Play Realspace 2 - Emperor's Revenge Play Antaris Realspace Play Apocalypse Outpost
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Click here for the World's best weather forecast:
Here are some HTML links and many more:
(Hypertext Markup Language - The coded format language used for creating hypertext documents on the World Wide Web and controlling how Web pages appear. )
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Here are some more Acronyms:
:) Happy person :( Sad person :-) Happy person with a nose :-( Sad person with a nose :D Laughter :-& Tongue tied :-\ Undecided |-O Yawning ;-) Person winking O :-) An angel X-( Just died @:-) User is wearing a turban (:I Egghead :-? Smokes a pipe :-Q A Smoker. :-# Wears Braces :-X Lips are sealed <:-I A dunce |.-) Only has one eye :( ) Big Mouth :*) drunk *:o) And Bozo the Clown :-o Uh oh! :'-) Crying with Joy :'-( Crying Sadly :P Sticking out tongue :-0 Yelling, screaming or shocked. 8-) Sunglasses guy/gal %-) Confused but happy %-( Confused and unhappy :-[ Vampire :-~) Has a cold :-] Sarcastic smile :-{) Has a mustache :o) Happy face with a big nose -:-( punk rocker >:-> Made devilish remark. {:-) Wears a toupee :-* Puckering for a kiss |:-) Eyebrows Raised ~oE]:-| Man With Hat #8^0-|-< Full body emoticon #:-ß-|-< Full body emoticon (_8_( |) Homer Simpson ;OOOO:-) Marge Simpson @}->-- Rose ^"^ Bat =^.^= Cat (_|_) Butt (::[ ]::) Bandaid
World's biggest list of insults
I'LL HIT YOU... I'll hit you so hard by the time you come down, you'll need a passport and a plane ticket back! I'll hit you so hard you 'll have to take off your shoes to shit! I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi! I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy! I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall! DUMB... You're so dumb you think socialism means partying! You're so dumb you think manual labor is a Mexican! You're so dumb you think Johnny Cash is a pay toilet! You're so dumb it takes you an hour and a half to watch "60 Minutes"! You so stupid you probably think Taco Bell is where you pay your telephone bill. You so dumb you got blonde roots in your eyeballs. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. UGLY... She was so ugly... they used to push her face into dough to make gorilla biscuits You're so ugly you'd make a train take a dirt road! You're so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn the cameras off! You're so ugly, if you stuck your head out the window, they'd arrest you for mooning! You're so ugly if you joined an ugly contest, they'd say "Sorry, no professionals!" You're so ugly your face is closed on weekends! You're so ugly you could be the poster child for abortion/birth control! You're so ugly if my dog looked like you, I'd shave its ass and teach it to walk backwards! You're so ugly when you were born the doctor slapped your mother! You're so ugly when you were born, your mother saw the afterbirth and said "Twins!" You're so ugly they know what time you were born, because your face stopped the clock! She's so ugly she could scare the moss off a rock! She's so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper! Your face so so ugly when you cry the tears run up your face. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you. FAT... You're so fat when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the HOUSE You're so fat a picture of you would fall off the wall! You're so fat if you weighed five more pounds, you could get group insurance! You're so fat you get clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us! You're so fat if you got your shoes shined, you'd have to take his word for it! Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so fat, that you have to use a mattress as a maxi-pad. GENERAL... 'Scuse me, I can't seem to find my dick. Mind if I look in your mother's mouth? Your wife said she liked seafood. So I gave her crabs. Are those your tits, or did Laurel and Hardy leave you their heads? Is that an accent, or is your mouth just full of sperm? If I had change for a buck, I could have been your dad! The difference between your mama and a rooster? The rooster says cock-a-doodle doo, your mama says any-cock'll do. I would have been your dad, but the guy in front of me had exact change. You're so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. You're like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. MOTHERS... I saved your mother's life today... I killed a shiteating dog on the way over. Your mother's armpits are so hairy it looks like she had Buckwheat in a headlock. Your mother's so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass. Your mom's so fat, her yearbook picture was an aerial photo. Your mom's so fat, I had to roll her in flour and look for the wet spot. Your mom's so fat, I had to slap her thigh and ride the wave in. They say that beauty is only a light switch away, with your mom I had to use a black light. Your mom's so stupid it takes her a half hour to make minute rice. Your mom's so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown. Your mom's got snakeskin teeth. Your mom's so stupid I saw her in the frozen food section w/a fishing rod. Your mom's so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing Her peanuts. Your mom's got hair on her tongue and she gargles w/curl activator. Your mom's got a wooden leg w/a real foot. Your mom's got a leather wig w/suede sideburns. Your momma's so fat, she jumped up in the air -- AND GOT STUCK! Your mother's like a door knob, everybody gets a turn. Your mother's like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece. Your mother's like mustard, she spreads easy. Your Mama's got three teeth...one in her mouth & two in her pocket. Your Mama's breath's so strong, she be blowin' bubbles with Now & Laters. Your Mama's so old, her birthday's expired. Your Mother is so stupid, she needs a ruler beside her bed to see how long she can sleep. Your Mother is so dumb, she got hit by a cup and said she got mugged. Your Mother is so old, I told her to start acting her age and the bitch died. Your mama's so old she owes Jesus Christ a quarter Your mama's so poor she went to McDonald's to put a shake on layaway Your mama's so dumb she sold the car for gas money Your mama's so dumb she cooked her own complimentary breakfast. Your Mama's So fat, when her beepgr goes off, people thought she was backing up Your Mama's So stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes Your Mama's So fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!" Your Mama's So stupid, when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends Your Mama's So fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized Your Mama's So fat, she got to iron her pants on the driveway Your Mama's So fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller Your Mama's So fat, she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets Your Mama's So fat, when she steps on a scale, it read "...to be continued" Your Mama's So nasty, when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt. Your Mama's So fat, when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th Your Mama's So ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Your Mama's So ugly, she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Your Mama's So ugly, just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Your Mama's So old, I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died. Your Mama's So ugly, they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Your Mama's So ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower Your Mama's So ugly, they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Your Mama's So poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." Your Mama's So fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too Your Mama's So ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck Your Mama's So ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Your Mama's So ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras Your Mama's So fat, the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn" Your Mama's So stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon Your Mama's So fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! Your Mama's So fat, when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please" Your Mama's So stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read. Your Mama's So ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her Your Mama's So ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. Your Mama's So ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?" Your Mama's So ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday. Your Mom's like a race car driver... she burns a lot of rubbers Your Mom's like a doorknob... everybody gets a turn Your Mom's like an ice cream cone... everyone gets a lick Your Mom's like a bowling ball you can fit three fingers in Your Mom's like a bowling ball she always winds up in the gutter Your Mom's like a bowling ball she always comes back for more Your Mom's like McDonalds... Billions and Billions served Your Mom's like Denny's... open 24 hours Your Mom's like a shotgun... give her a cock and she blows Your Mom's like 7up...never had it never will. Your mama's like a railroad track: She gets laid all over the country. Your mama's like a T.V.: A two year old could turn her on. Your mama's like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods. Your mama's like Crazy Eddie, she's practically giving it all away You're mother's so dumb...she got stabbed at a shoot-out. Your mama's like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her. Your mom is like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away. You mom is so fat, everytime she wears high heels, she strikes oil. Your so ugly, your mother had to feed you with a sling shot. Your so ugly, your mother had to tie a steak around your neck to get the dog to play with you. Your so fat, that you have to strap a beeper on your belt to warn people you are backing up. Your so skinny, that you use a bandaid as a maxi-pad. Your so fat, that you have to use a matress as a maxi-pad. Your so stupid, that you got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away all the W's. Your so stupid, that you went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut. Your so stupid, that you went to a Whalers game to see Shamu. Your like a light switch, even a little kid can turn you on. Your so stupid, it takes you an hour to cook minute rice. You're mother's so dumb... ..she got stabbed at a shoot-out. ..heard it was chilly outside and grabbed a bowl. ..got hit by a parked car. Insults... I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet. When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity. Well I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much. I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing. You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you. Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another? The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you. When you get run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents. All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you. Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down. I hear that when you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear that when your mother first saw you she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide. No one should be punished for accident of birth but you look too much like a wreck not to be. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet. I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside. I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure. You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to. At your speed you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny. Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull? You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you. It's your life --- but I wish you'd let us have it. I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat. I think you should live for the moment. But after that I doubt I'll think so. Man alive! But I wish you weren't. I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead. I admire your because I've never had the courage it takes to be a liar, a thief and a cheat. You're acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would. You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it! You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light.
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